Monthly Archives: April 2014

Write, write, write

There is a small voice in the back of my head that keeps repeating one word: write! No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I hear that voice. Sometimes it is so low it is barely a whisper. And sometimes it is so loud I can’t hear anything else. But it is always there.

I admit I am a timid writer. I am unsure of myself and sometimes wonder if I am even good enough to call myself a writer. I have fears and insecurities about my writing all the time, sometimes to the point where I won’t even go near the computer and avoid paper and pen like the plague. Yet, I still here that voice chant: write, write, write.

The funny thing is, even when I question my ability to be a writer, I still get ideas. They come to me in my sleep, while watching TV, while listening to the radio, while working my boring job, while eating dinner with my family, while in the shower, and while just sitting out in the backyard enjoying the nice weather. Sometimes I’m able to jot them down and sometimes I have to let them pass me by as I have no way to get to some paper. But they still come to me.

The other day, as I sat and stared at the screen trying to get the words out to move my story along and feeling frustrated because nothing seemed right, I could still hear that word in the back of my mind: write!

There are times when I get frustrated with that voice. I try to write everyday but sometimes the words just won’t come, yet that voice still says to write. But sometimes, most times, when I’m feeling down because I want to follow my passion but just can’t seem to find the right direction, I hear that voice and it cheers me up. It’s as if something bigger than myself has faith in my ability to write.

I may never be a best-selling author. Heck, I may never publish a word for anyone but me to read, but as long as I can write, I will. And that voice in the back of my head that tells me to write keeps me focused on that goal, building my self-confidence enough to keep putting one word after the other, forming those sentences and paragraphs until I have told my story.

I may struggle with writing every day for the rest of my life, but I will keep writing. As long as that little voice keeps cheering me on, as long as new ideas keep generating in my brain, I will keep putting one word after the other. No matter how inadequate I feel, no matter how crappy it might sound at the time, just keep putting those words down one at a time and remember: write, write, write.

 

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Filed under Dreams, Fear, Writing

At a crossroad

I am at a crossroad in my story. I’m undecided on whether one of my characters should be found dead or alive. And I think I won’t to be able to move much farther into the story until I make this decision. Maybe I should flip a coin and decide that way.
I’m not sure why I am having such difficulty making this decision. Probably because this particular character is based off of someone I remember well, a cherished friend from my past, someone I still love dearly. How can I kill off this character and not feel like I am killing off our friendship. Yet, the kidnapping is a metaphor for our relationship, one that went in hiding for years before we reconnected.
I just assumed when I started writing this story that I would find her alive and well, as we have found our friendship again, alive and well. Yet I know our friendship changed over the years and I think that is why I had the urge to “kill her off” in the story. Because in the story, a new friendship is forged while trying to find and rekindle an old one. And that is how I feel about our reconnection. There is a lot of the old, comfortable feelings still there, yet we are adults now and our friendship has changed to reflect the people we’ve become over the years.
It still amazes me how much of myself is poured into my stories and poems. My heart, soul, and memories are written and transformed into these tales. This is the first story where I made the conscious decision to use actual events from my past to lay the foundation for this tale. And I think this is where my struggle lies.
So how do I get past this glitch, pick a direction, and write? I believe that would be just sitting my butt in the chair and writing. Just sitting down and writing with the realization that this is only my first draft, not the final copy, and that anything can change between the two.
So if I decide the character is dead in the first draft, and the reading doesn’t feel right, I can always go in the opposite direction in the next draft. The fluidity of creative writing is one of the reasons I love to write. Nothing is final until I decide it is final. The words are not concrete. They can be easily changed or deleted with no real consequence, unless I forget to save the changes.
The only time the words can’t be taken back is when (and if) I ever decide to have the story published. Until then, I have the freedom to add or delete words, even sentences, as often as I desire.
Problem solved!

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Filed under Writing